watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Randomize