Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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