we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize