Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
