i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
