The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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