Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
