Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
