my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
