Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
