Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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