youre lurking in front of me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
