to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
