You really coming over, don't trick.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
