So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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