i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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