If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
