so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
bring money and cleavage
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
