there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I want her autograph on my taint
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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