Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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