I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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