Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
