During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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