I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We need to rekindle our bromance
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
