this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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