i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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