eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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