Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
