I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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