Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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