I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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