If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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