I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We just shotgunned beers for America
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize