I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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