david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
