I feel like I'm in dance class right now
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
