we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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