Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
