Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
