Kiss
Puke
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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