I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
