Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize