p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
