My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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