I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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