Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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