I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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