Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
