Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
