I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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