TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
