...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
