I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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