Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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