Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
