I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I want is dick and wine.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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