Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
