I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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