Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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