She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
