No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
