I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
