i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
