Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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