I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
