are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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