Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
