we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
