you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Terrible idea I love it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
