how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize