It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
