Jerry, you need to find god
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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