My room smells like vodka and shame
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
