Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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