someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
