Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
