also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
