i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
